


Not Paid Enough for This

by orphan_account



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: M/M, Teacher AU, meaning theyre both teachers. wow
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-10-08 12:34:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10386765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: In which Dan is the shop teacher and Bones is the new English teacher.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This has been sitting in my drafts for a very long time, and I want to start posting it to motivate myself to work on it. I might update every week, who knows. Stay tuned~

Being a high school teacher has its perks. They’re very few and very far between, but they’re there. Especially since Dan isn’t a _“real”_ teacher, he just sits and teaches kids how to cut wood and stick metal together, so his perks are even further apart. Every year he fights to keep the shop class going despite all efforts, he gets paid the least out of all of the other teachers (even the _art_ teachers, and they’re basically doing the same thing), he gets one break and it’s only about half an hour long. Grading kids’ shitty projects is ridiculously hard despite what people say; you can’t give a kid a bad grade because they didn’t cut straight because _none_ of them did, but you can’t just give everyone perfect scores because they don’t know how to do anything. The kids in the class are the kids who took the class because they thought they could get away with doing nothing. (Dan has to wonder what the hell they were thinking, the room is full of noisy saws and other loud tools, did they not _read_ the class description?) It takes a whole year to get the kids interested in shop, and they all end up loving him as a teacher, but at what cost? He loves what he does and old students visit him _rarely,_ but sometimes he wonders why the hell he’s doing this and not using his skills for a real job.

He gets to remember why he likes his job so much every so often. A kid comes up and tells him that he’s thankful for the class because it taught him that he wanted to have a hands-on job in the future. One of two girls in the class tells him that she was worried about taking this class because of all the guys, but Dan made her feel comfortable and welcomed after the first day. He gets great reviews from his bosses and peers, he gives kids actual important skills for their futures instead of teaching them math that they’ll never use, and sometimes he gets reminded of that.

The other teachers are...y’know, _there._ They’re friendly enough and he’s obligated to go to parties and events if he’s invited. It’s weird to see these teachers outside of the high school, holding drinks and actually enjoying themselves. Dan feels weird when he shows up alone, like they’re all expecting a wife and for him to rush out because the babysitter had to leave. But he shows up alone and he takes a drink every time someone asks him where his wife is or they mention their own relationships. It’s like they’re _concerned_ about him but he knows they’re not; he’s invited because everyone else in the art department was and they’d feel bad if they didn’t invite him too. Dan has one or two people he actually genuinely likes who he can consider friends, but otherwise it’s kind of pathetic.

Summer flies by and he’s back in the building of his nightmares, sitting in the hottest and stuffiest room with over a hundred teachers and administrators, sweating his ass off and trying not to doze off listening to the supervisor giving the same speech that she’s given for the past six years of Dan’s teaching career. He busies himself by looking over the new teachers in the front, studying how nervous they look and how professionally dressed they are for their first meeting. Everyone else is dressed in their normal summer attire, yet most of the new teachers are in their stuffy skirts and pastel button downs because they didn’t know what to expect.

His eyes stop on a teacher on the far side of the room, very obviously bored out of his mind, head leaned on his hand as he pretends to listen. He’s _handsome_ and Dan makes himself look away before he gets called out by his supervisor for not paying attention, but his mind is trying to put together this mystery teacher. He doesn’t look like a math teacher, and he would’ve heard if there was a new art teacher coming. English, maybe? History?

They’re allowed to roam around freely after the horrible meeting is over, and Dan has to pretend that he’s not trying to find one guy specifically the whole time. He introduces himself to a crazy-looking math teacher and the tiny old music teacher (again), trying his best to seem casual but probably failing miserably; there’s a reason he’s not the drama teacher. It takes nearly the whole meet and greet for Dan to _finally_ find the Mystery Teacher, but he approaches very carefully and nearly forgets everything he’s rehearsed in his head over and over.

“Sorry, I don’t think we’ve met,” Dan says, thanking every God out there that his voice didn’t waver as he holds his hand out for a handshake, “I’m uh, Dan.”

“Adam,” the guy says, shaking Dan’s hand, “or Bones. What’s more professional?”

Dan chuckles softly and _shit this guy is cute_ **_and_ ** _funny?_ “Depends. What department?”

“English,” Bones says on a laugh, “why does that matter?”

“Bones, then. You don’t look crazy enough to be a math teacher, and a crazy math teacher would totally go by Adam. I’m the lone shop teacher.”

“Shit, that’s _you?”_ Dan raises an eyebrow in question, who the fuck cares about the stupid shop teacher?

Bones must notice that he’s shocked, because he backtracks and laughs. “Sorry, I’ve just--I did research before taking the job, obviously. I was super curious about how the shop class managed to survive here.”

“Well then,” Dan sighs, gesturing to himself, “mostly blood, sweat, and tears. A little sawdust.”

Bones’ face scrunches when he laughs and Dan needs to _chill the fuck out_ right now because he doesn’t even _know_ this guy and he already has a crush.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt really write this to be posted as chapters, so sorry this doesnt make too much linear sense. thanks for all the positive feedback and kudos!

A year goes by, they go to dinner a bunch of times and get drunk together, and no matter how hard Dan tries, his crush doesn’t go away. He makes fun of Bones and how he only owns one sweatshirt, and Bones isn’t surprised to find a new sweatshirt with a bow on his desk the day before winter break. Bones buys Dan a build-your-own birdhouse set as a joke. They hang out once over the summer, but Dan finds himself hovering over Bones’ contact in his phone more often than he’d like to admit. He wonders if Bones even thinks of him in any other way other than work friend; Dan’s been told he’s too nice, he assumes the best in people, and Bones easily could be trying to push him back into the “acquaintances” box.

The same shitty meeting rolls around again and Dan’s running late; his dog was being stupid and he needed gas and it just wasn’t a good morning. He grabs the first seat he can see as everyone turns around to stare at him, and he slumps down as far as he can (as if it would make him appear any less  _ huge).  _ A minute later, his phone buzzes in his pocket.

_ Bones: Rough morning? _

_ Dan: My dog ate my homework. _

He hears a cough-covered-laugh from somewhere up front and he smiles to himself, slipping his phone back into his pocket to pretend to listen to the meeting.

* * *

Dan figures out that Bones’ classroom is sort of on his way back to his own by accident. He’s being shown through the English wing by some other English teacher who is convinced that he needs to be more educated on the layout of the school (which changes every year, so why does it matter?). The woman stops in a random doorway to say hello, and Dan happens to be looking around as Bones comes out to close his door in the classroom two doors over. They don’t see each other, and the door closes before Dan can even react, but the rest of the “tour” he’s thinking about how to get to Bones’ classroom from his own room.

He waits a week to work up the nerve to walk the long way back from lunch to swing by Bones’ classroom, sticking his head into the classroom and looking around at how the classroom is laid out. It’s typical English teacher shit, probably stuff he doesn’t actually like but is there anyway. Half of the students are staring at Dan as Bones is facing the board and writing down vocab terms, and Dan holds a finger up to his lips and moves to lean against the doorframe.

It takes a good two minutes and a student clearing his throat for Bones to look over and nearly jump out of his skin, and Dan throws his head back and laughs at how  _ flawlessly _ that plan worked. 

“ _ Jeez,  _ don’t you have a class?” Bones says and Dan shrugs and salutes with two fingers before dipping out and smiling the whole way back to his room. He doesn’t even care that his break is even shorter now, it was absolutely worth it.

He doesn’t show up for the rest of the week, but eventually it becomes an almost daily occurrence, when Dan shows up and makes fun of Bones or just looks generally confused at everything he’s saying to get the students to laugh and Bones to shake his head in fake disapproval. 

Unknown to him, the students actually look  _ forward _ to Dan popping in. Bones hears it after a month of it being a constant occurrence, a kid talking with his friends and taking bets on when Dan would show up. (Which, Bones thinks to himself, is stupid, if they were paying attention they’d know that Dan stops by about ten minutes before the class lets out.)

During one of the classes where they’re going to watch a movie, a girl raises her hand and asks why Dan keeps showing up. The class all murmurs in agreement and Bones glances at the movie on his computer and he could just  _ play  _ it without answering any questions. Why  _ does  _ Dan show up? They’re friends, if he could he would make surprise visits to the shop room just to make fun of him, but every time he passes the door is closed and loud noises are coming from the room.

“We’re friends,” Bones eventually says, pressing play on the movie, “now make sure you’re doing the notes worksheet I gave you for the movie.”

Someone in the back says, way too loudly, “I ship it,” and Bones is so glad the light is off because they can’t see his blush; why the  _ hell  _ is he blushing? Dan’s his friend, he considers him a pretty close friend, and that was it. If possibly, maybe,  _ hypothetically  _ he  _ theoretically  _ had a small crush on him, that wasn’t important. Because that wasn’t the case. He didn’t get excited whenever Dan came by the classroom. Not at all.

Bones has to come up with creative ways to shush his students when Dan comes by now. One kid will always try to tell Dan that they all ship them and Bones doesn’t know where to  _ start,  _ it’s inappropriate and not for school (but also he has no idea how Dan will react; will he be freaked out? He has a good sense of humor, but there’s always that  _ chance. _ )

The “shipping” gets worse when Dan slips up and accidentally calls him Bones.

“What lesson that I don’t understand are you teachin’ them today, Bones?” Dan asks, leaning in the doorframe, and Bones just turns to stare at Dan in disbelief as the kids start laughing.

“Bones?” one girl asks, looking between the two teachers with a grin.

“And that’s my cue to leave,” Dan says quickly, winking at Bones before ducking out of the room.

By the end of the class, all his students are calling him Mr. Bones. Perfect.

As soon as the end of the day rolls around and all the kids are out of the school for the day, Bones grabs his packed satchel and makes a beeline for Dan’s room, not bothering to knock before letting himself in and folding his arms over his chest as he glares at Dan.

Dan’s got his glasses on and he’s reading his emails (and Bones has to ignore the  _ swoop _ his stomach does because of it—but it could easily just be the fact that he hasn’t eaten) when he looks up with a smile.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Bones wants to punch him in the face.

“My whole sixth period class is calling me Mister Bones now.”

Dan throws his whole body back when he laughs, clapping his hands once, and Bones has to bite his lip to keep the smile off his face because  _ yeah,  _ it’s maybe a little funny.

“It’s not funny!” Bones huffs despite what he thinks, but he can’t help but laugh a little.

“That’s probably—oh my god, that’s the best thing I’ve ever heard,” Dan chuckles, taking his glasses off to wipe the tears out of his eyes, “I’m sorry.”

“No you’re not,” Bones says with a laugh, turning to head out the door.

“I’m not!” Dan calls after him, and Bones walks out shaking his head with a grin on his face.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooo a cliffhanger! it really doesnt mean much.

Halloween sneaks up on everyone, and Bones nearly forgets until he walks into the school and sees a few teachers dressed up on his way to his classroom. Some of the doors are decorated but he probably just didn’t bother looking at other rooms every day.

He doesn’t realize that his students are trying to keep him out of the classroom before it’s too late. After second period he goes to the bathroom, and suddenly every student wants to be his friend and talk to him, but his classroom’s  _ empty  _ and he needs to get back but these students he didn’t even  _ know  _ were suddenly so intrigued by him.

Bones walks into his classroom to see a skeleton with a sweatshirt on standing behind his desk, looking around in confusion before busting up laughing. He doesn’t even  _ care  _ that half the class has their phones out or that somehow all the students were in on it, because it’s easily the funniest thing he’s seen in a long time. 

He knows that Dan put it there, he’s not friendly enough with other teachers, so he moves the skeleton off to the side and keeps teaching like nothing happened. Before class lets out, he hands his phone to a student and poses with the skeleton, saying, “Take a picture, before someone comes in and I get fired for giving a student my phone.”

_ Bones: Who’s who? _

_ Dan: You didn’t tell me you had a hotter twin. _

Bones rolls his eyes to himself and puts his phone away, smiling as the new students roll in and start making comments about the skeleton in the room.

(And Dan, with his ridiculous crush and all, doesn’t hesitate when he sets the picture as his home background. It’s  _ stupid  _ and probably  _ creepy _ , he’ll probably change it back after some time, but he smiles whenever he opens his phone and shit, that’s good enough for him.)

Dan walks toward Bones’ classroom an hour after school lets out for break, expecting him not to be there but being pleasantly surprised when his door is still open. His friends all but  _ pressured  _ him into inviting the guy he wouldn’t shut up about to his Christmas Eve Eve get together, and he was sort of  _ hoping _ Bones wouldn’t be there when he came by.

He takes a breath before knocking on the door, repeating the question that he had rehearsed over and over in his head. Bones looks up from his computer, hair fucked up where his hand was tangled in it out of stress, and he smiles slightly.

“Shouldn’t you be home by now?” Dan asks as he leans against the door, watching as Bones lifts his arms over his head and stretches back on his chair.

“I don’t feel like bringing home a bunch of shitty papers to ruin my holiday.”

“Try bringing home woodwork and then you’re allowed to complain.” Bones laughs softly, and Dan has to look away before he gets caught up in his stupid scrunchy face.

“So what’s up?”

“Some uh, friends of mine are coming over tonight to get drunk and watch bad movies, if you’re interested. You’d like them, they’re not teachers.”

Bones snorts and fixes his hair, “You should’ve opened with ‘not teachers’. Sure. Sounds fun.”

Dan smiles (probably a little too wide, but he’s  _ excited) _ and stands up straight, adjusting the bag on his shoulder. “Alright, awesome. I’ll text you my address. Don’t—don’t feel like you have to bring anything. I’ve got plenty.”

“You sure? I could pick something up, it’s not a big deal.”

“Just bring yourself. Don’t worry about it.”

Dan texts Bones the address and a time once he gets home, standing in the middle of his apartment and stressing about how  _ boring  _ it is. It’s got things he’s tinkered with and leftovers  _ everywhere _ , his games are a mess and everything is awful and he’s never going to clean up in time if he doesn’t kick his ass into gear. 

There’s people at his door half an hour early and he doesn’t have to open the door to know that it’s James, Elyse, and Adam—Elyse always makes sure they get places early in case they need help setting up and Dan sighs in relief when they knock on the door.

“Jeez, you’re sweaty,” James comments as he hugs Dan, Dan laughing gruffly and pulling back.

“Nice to see you too, James.”

“Can we help with anything?” Elyse asks as she kisses Dan’s cheek, brushing past him and looking around for something to do, “I dragged Adam out of bed for this so there better be something.”

Adam rolls his eyes and plops himself onto the couch, and Dan chuckles to himself when Olive hops on the couch to cuddle next to him. For someone who loves cats, dogs sure do love him.

“Just make sure nothing goes horribly wrong in the next fifteen minutes? Bruce should show up soon, and who knows when Bones is coming, so just…don’t kill Olive while I shower.”

Adam fake gasps and scratches under Olive’s chin with a smile, “I would  _ never,  _ right, cutie?”

Dan casts a nervous glance at the door and, before James can start asking questions about this Bones guy, he’s going into his room to go shower.

He comes out and Bruce is already sitting on the couch talking to James and Adam, Elyse messing around in his kitchen like she’s unhappy with the way the glasses are arranged in his cabinet. There’s a knock on the door and everyone goes quiet like it’s some sort of  _ omen,  _ but Dan hisses at them to act normal as he goes over to the door, takes a deep breath, and opens it.

“Hey,” Dan says as he pulls the door open, smiling down at Bones, who’s holding a bottle of wine in his hands.

“Before you say anything,” Bones laughs, shoving the bottle into Dan’s chest, “my mom would skin me alive if I showed up somewhere empty-handed.”

“Holy fucking  _ shit!”  _ Bruce yells from the couch, and Dan is two seconds away from having a mental breakdown if something broke--

“ _ Bruce? _ ”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> slow burn baby. gimme that slow roast

There's a beat of stillness in the house; no one moves out of shock for a solid few seconds before Bones' laugh rings out through the silence. He hurries over to the door to hug Bruce, and Dan is exchanging glances with the others in the house because, well, that’s the  _ last  _ thing he expected to happen. He expected the whole apartment to explode before Bones actually knew someone at his house. But he’s relieved that he doesn’t feel awkward, and he goes to put the wine on the counter without saying anything to let them catch up (and to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach).

After a very heated round of Mario Kart (James won and he’s finally done shoving it in Adam’s face, who came in a close second), they all lounge around on the couches and nursing various alcoholic beverages, Dan sitting in a chair he pulled over for the sake of everyone else’s comfort.

“So, I’ll bite,” Adam says as he sits up, gesturing between Bruce and Bones with his beer bottle, “how the fuck do you two know each other?”

Bruce laughs and Bones just smiles, shrugging his shoulders. “Fuckin’ high school. We kept in touch for a good while but shit happens. That’s  _ crazy. _ ”

“We went to grad school together,” Dan chimes in, raising his eyebrows over at Bruce, “remember when you were a teacher for like, ten minutes?”

“No way!” Bones laughs, and Bruce looks so  _ ashamed  _ to have even considered teaching as a profession.

“Hey, enough about me,  _ Dan,”  _ Bruce laughs, pointing a finger at him, “that’s not all we did in grad school. We can attack you right back, _fucker_.”

“Oh no, truth comes out,” Bones mutters with a smile as he drinks his beer, and everyone but Dan laughs in response. At least Bones is fitting in and joining in on the attacking, right?

“You cheated on me?” James phones in the sad and sticks his bottom lip into a pout, and Bones is watching them with wide, confused eyes and a lost smile as Dan grunts and pushes himself out of the chair.

“Where’s the vodka,” he sighs, turning to walk into the kitchen and getting a rise out of everyone still sitting down.

“Wait, where do you know him from?” Bones asks, looking over to James.

“Way back out East,” James says with the _worst_ Southern drawl, and Dan turns around to flip him off.

“And you guys?” Bones gestures toward Adam and Elyse, who both point at James in return.

“We’re with him,” Adam laughs, pushing James’s shoulder gently.

“Unfortunately,” Elyse adds, and James huffs out a “hey!” and pushes Adam right back.

Dan sits back down with another beer, and Bones shuffles around to lean closer to him. “Tell me!”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Dan mutters as he sips the beer, avoiding eye contact (but noticing how Bones smiles out of the corner of his eye). 

“Oh, come  _ on,  _ it was ages ago,” Bruce laughs, and he sits up despite Dan’s angry glaring. “Y’know, college is the time for ah,  _ trying new things _ . Even grad school. Maybe he didn’t have as much beard, but teaching can be stressful and you’ve got to get that out  _ somehow.” _

“I’m gonna fucking kill you,” Dan mutters, scrubbing a hand over his beard before laughing softly, “Jeez, that was a long time ago.”

“Please tell me you’ve gotten some since then.”

“Well,” Dan laughs, taking a sip of his beer to prolong the inevitable, “y’know.”

“ _ Daniel, _ ” Bruce sighs, and Bones shifts a little in his seat because  _ are they close enough to talk about this? _

“Here and there. Can we not talk about this? We have the couple that fucks literally  _ everywhere  _ and Mister Long Distance here, let me live my lonely life.”

James and Elyse high five over Adam’s lap while Adam blushes, and Bruce rolls his eyes. “That’s not even a comeback.”

“Alright, just because you’re all jealous of our awesome sex life,” James interrupts, finally, grabbing a controller, “I’m ready to destroy you guys in Smash.”

Dan sighs in relief and glances at Bones, who’s grabbing for a controller silently. Great. They scared him off already. Better just bury himself in alcohol while he still has the chance.

The food comes while they’re in the middle of a match and everyone groans when Dan pauses the game, James grumbling about how close he was to killing Bones as they all get up to move to the table. It’s just shitty Chinese food, it was closeby and cheap and Dan refuses when Elyse tries to shove money at him when they start unpacking the food. (She ends up tucking it into his back pocket and running away before he can grab it and give it back to her).

Bones seems genuinely interested in Dan’s friends, which is a relief, and Dan stays mostly silent as they all small talk amongst themselves. He’s glad they pressured him into inviting Bones, despite the stress that came with it and the endless questioning that followed, and he doesn’t notice when Bruce leans over in his chair closer to Dan.

“Bones is great, by the way,” he mumbles, watching Dan glance over at him with a smile, “You’re great for each other. I’m serious.”

Dan sighs and shakes his head, setting his chopsticks down and getting out of his chair. “Does anyone want anything else?”

Bruce is up out of his seat to follow Dan, grabbing his wrist with a soft  _ hey. _

“What’s going on? Why are you avoiding talking about this?”

“We  _ work  _ together, Bruce,” Dan mumbles, rubbing the back of his neck.

“That’s not an excuse and you know that.”

“I don’t want to ruin what we have because of my feelings, okay? We’re friends and I don’t even know if he likes  _ guys _ —”

“He does,” Bruce interjects, but he waves his hand and mumbles an apology.

“—I don’t even know if he’d want a relationship and I don’t want to make things weird by going after it. I haven’t been in a relationship for a while and I don’t want to fuck it up. Happy?”

Bruce nods and pulls Dan into a hug, patting his back before pulling back. “Don’t stress yourself out over this, alright? Do what you think is right. Consent is sexy.”

Dan snorts and shoves Bruce’s shoulder, sliding past him and sitting back down.

“Everything alright?” Elyse asks as Bruce takes his seat again, and Dan shrugs a shoulder.

“Just sorting out grad school feelings, that's all,” Bruce jokes, getting a glare in return.

“Oh, fuck off.”

The night goes on and somehow Bones is the only one left. (It was very purposeful; Bruce had texted Elyse that they should leave them alone even though the three of them didn’t really _want_ to leave. Dan doesn’t find out about this plan until James texts him  _ good luck _ ten minutes after they’re gone, and he  _ loves  _ his friends.)

“...and I have so many fucking shitty essays to grade over the next week and I’m kind of dreading life,” Bones sighs, and Dan has to try his hardest to remember what the conversation was before continuing.

“Isn’t that your own fault?” Dan quips and Bones shoves his shoulder, muttering a  _ fuck you _ under his breath.

They’re sitting too close together on the couch; Bruce had left them on that couch nearly an hour ago and neither of them felt  _ uncomfortable  _ about how close they were still sitting. But Dan has to stop himself from resting his hand on Bones’ knee every time one of them shifts and he just wants to fucking make a move but he’s  _ terrified. _

“Dan?” Bones asks and Dan snaps out of his head, flashing a smile and taking a sip of his water.

“Sorry, sorry, don’t--can’t you just enjoy your break and grade them when it starts again?”

Bones starts talking about why he can’t do that and Dan can’t pay attention--he’s half-drunk and freaking about his feelings and  _ he’s so fucked.  _

“Shit,” Bones mutters, bringing Dan back out of his thoughts (again), “it’s real late. I should probably head out before the Uber drivers are drunk too.”

“Oh, yeah,” Dan chuckles, standing up after Bones does and following him to the door. There’s not much Dan can do besides think about things he  _ should  _ have done during the night. He could kiss Bones and then fuck off to South Carolina for the next four days. That’s _obviously_ a good idea.

“Thank you for inviting me,” Bones says once he’s out the door, Dan leaning on the doorframe and watching him, “I guess it’s good that I can reconnect with Bruce.”

Dan chuckles, “Small world.”

“Have a nice holiday, alright?” Bones smiles and rests a hand on Dan’s arm, and Dan forces a small smile despite how  _ awful  _ his fucking holiday at home is going to be.

“Y’know, it’ll be something.”

“Hey now,” Bones mutters, holding his arms out, “bring it in, I’m a drunk hugger.”

Dan snorts and goes in for the hug, hoping that Bones doesn’t notice how fast his heart is beating or that he lingers for a little too long. They pull apart and  _ this is his chance,  _ but Bones smiles and wishes him a good night and Dan is left standing there and watching him head down the hallway to the elevator.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY I HAVENT POSTED IN TWO WEEKS THIS MAKES UP FOR IT

Christmas Eve in South Carolina has to be the most boring and tedious event that Dan has to attend. It’s worse than the teacher events because these people are his  _ family,  _ and everywhere he turns someone is asking him about how stable his job is or where the lovely person in his life is. Well, joke’s on them, because his job is barely stable and the only person in his life is his right hand. Get bent.

The night drags on and he can finally slip away into the guest room at around midnight; he is nowhere close to drunk enough to stay up with his family and he’s really not trying to  _ get  _ drunk, so going to bed sounds equally as enticing. He wakes up at an ungodly hour of the morning to children screaming about Santa, one of them bursting into his room and hopping onto the bed, shouting “UNCLE DAN! _ SANTA! _ ” in his fucking  _ ear  _ and if he could get away with shoving his cousin off the bed as hard as he can he absolutely would do it.

Once he’s allowed to slink back into his room with the shitty gifts he’s given (socks, yet another button down, a hammer--like he doesn’t have eight  _ million  _ of those), he checks his phone for the usual Facebook notifications and comes across a text from Bones that morning. It came at five, so around two back in LA, and Dan has to reread the text way too many times for it to sink in.

_ Bones: hi im dru nk and yr eyes are really pretty _

Dan’s thumbs hover over the keyboard for a solid five minutes before he thinks of something witty enough to send back.

_ Dan: They’re brown so clearly you were drunk enough to compliment them. _

Bones wants to punch himself in the face as soon as he wakes up on Christmas day. His family is full of adults that don’t have children so the holiday is more a formality than anything, and it’s almost tradition to get shitfaced that night. So not only was it his second day in a row drinking, his family inexplicably  _ loves  _ whiskey and  _ loves _ forcing it on him. The hangover is twice as bad and he doesn’t remember much of the night before, so that  _ has  _ to be a sign that he’s done something awful. 

He wakes up to his phone buzzing by his head, groaning at all the sunlight and the headache and the  _ disturbance _ . His heart sinks when it’s from Dan, and he knows that he must’ve done something to prompt it because  _ he can’t remember.  _ He opens the conversation to him complimenting Dan’s eyes and  _ “do you want to get” _ unsent at the bottom. Death seems like a great option right about then.

“Good fucking job, me. What, drunk me? Do you want to get  _ what? _ ” Bones sighs to himself, deleting the unsent text and scrubbing his hands over his face. How does he duck out of this one? Will the friend taking the phone excuse work? He  _ was  _ drunk, that won’t be a lie. Thank god drunk Bones clarified at least one thing.

_ Bones: it is highly possible that i consumed an unhealthy amount of whiskey. _

He tosses his phone to the other side of the bed and groans, praying to every God out there that Dan just takes it as a joke and moves on with his life. The last thing Bones needs is something  _ else  _ to stress out about over the break.

On New Year’s Eve, he gets invited to Bruce’s for a small get together and he knows something’s going to happen. He doesn’t have to ask to know that Dan will be there, and Bones rants to Bruce about his drunken antics after Bruce invites him over. (Bruce doesn’t want to hear it but he listens anyway, and he makes it his personal goal to get them close enough to kiss at midnight.)

Bones is shaking with nerves when he shows up at Bruce’s door and Bruce shoves a beer in his hand as soon as he opens the door and mumbles that he needs to get his shit together soon  _ or else.  _ Or else what? He’ll forever be pining after Dan? Horrifying.

He’s two beers in when Dan finally shows up, and he tries not to stare too hard when he walks in and talks to Bruce. He’s wearing a button down and jeans and he looks damn  _ good,  _ and suddenly Bones is conscious about his typical beanie and sweatshirt combination—should he have dressed up a little? He isn’t even talking to anyone, just standing on the outskirts of the circle that he assumes in Bruce’s work friends, and he panics a little when Dan glances over and they make eye contact because he  _ so obviously  _ was staring. Fucked. He’s absolutely, royally, indescribably  _ fucked.  _ Dan must hate him. Was there somewhere he could hide until the new year? And then for the rest of the year after that?

“Hey.” Bones takes a deep breath before turning around to look up at Dan, and he’s almost relieved that he has someone to actually talk to other than the host.

“Howdy, stranger.”

“I’m not that southern, am I? I was only home for like, three days,” Dan chuckles and Bones is so thankful that things aren’t strange between them after the Christmas...incident.

It feels like they’re talking for five minutes when a not-sober Elyse drags Bones and challenges him to go shot-for-shot with Adam, shouting something about “Adam versus Adam! It’s gotta happen!” the whole time she’s tugging his sweatshirt sleeve. Bones gives Dan a look that screams  _ help me  _ and Dan can’t do anything except go over and cheer Bones on. (He ends up winning, Adam was already close to drunk and James has to knock the seventh shot away from him because he nearly misses his  _ mouth.) _

Dan ends up taking a fair amount of shots at Bruce’s urging--Bruce has never seen Dan fully  _ drunk  _ and it’s New Year’s, Dan wants to let loose, so he takes the shots of mystery alcohol that Bruce and friends keep handing him. Bones cheers him on each time, far too drunk to do anything but scream and laugh way too loudly.

11:50 rolls around and Bruce starts shoving party poppers into people’s hands, Bones by the back of the couch in case he starts tipping over and Dan standing too close to him while they talk. Bruce comes up to them, looks at the poppers in his hands, and keeps walking, and Bones looks up at Dan for a few seconds before they start laughing loudly.

“Are we that bad?” Bones slurs, loudly, and swaying a little bit on his feet.

“You physically can’t stand up alone,” Dan points out, and Bones takes it as a  _ challenge. _

“I’m--I am  _ fully _ capable of standing, thank you very much.” Bones stands up straight and lets go of the couch, but him standing straight up lasts all of two seconds before he’s teetering and Dan reaches out to hold his waist to keep him upright.

“So talented,” Dan chuckles and Bones can’t tell if his face is hot because of the disgusting amount of alcohol in his body or the blush creeping onto his cheeks.

A few drunk people start their countdown at thirty and Dan’s hand flexes on Bones’ side like he’s about to let go and Bones is  _ not  _ having that at all. He moves to lean into Dan’s side and faces the television, Dan tightening his grip on Bones wordlessly and making Bones’ heart skip a little.

The countdown starts and Bones shouts along, Dan laughing along but staying quiet. The room erupts in cheering and popping and they both cheer along, Bones looking up at Dan and yelling “Happy New Year!” over the noise. Dan grins and closes the space between them, pressing his lips against Bones’, and Bones is so glad Dan is still holding his waist because he’s pretty sure his knees have officially stopped working.

“Oh my god,” Dan mumbles as he pulls back, eyes wide in fear, “oh my god I’m so sorry I should’ve asked—”

Bones laughs loud and brings his hands up to cup Dan’s cheeks, pulling him into another kiss and suddenly everyone else doesn’t matter because he’s wanted this for  _ so long.  _ And he doesn’t have time to think about if this is just a drunk thing and if regret is going to find them in the morning, he wants to focus on how  _ nice  _ Dan’s lips are and how surprisingly soft his beard is.

Bruce had been nice enough to offer them (separately) to sleep over beforehand, but them passed out on the couch was definitely not the original plan. Bones wakes up on top of Dan, head on his chest and arm trapped between him and the back of the couch. His head is killing him and his mouth tastes like puke but he’s surprisingly comfortable, and almost jumps out of his skin when Dan hums from above him.

“Jesus fucking christ,” Bones breathes and Dan’s chest rumbles with a laugh, the hand dangling off the couch moving to rest on his lower back.

“Sorry.” Dan’s voice is rough with sleep and Bones wonders if he’s dreaming still because this is everything he’s ever wanted and then some.

“I hate to be a burden,” Dan continues, brushing his fingers over Bones’ back, “but I have to ask you to get up for a sec so I can go pee.”

Bones laughs quietly and stands up with only minor problems staying upright, and Dan slides off the couch with a grunt and wanders to the bathroom. Dan seemed...happy. So last night wasn’t a completely mistake. Good. Do they have to talk about this? Can they just  _ assume  _ that drunker them knew what they were doing? Bones was goddamn proud of himself for continuing on, but after a certain point, he doesn’t remember too much of what happened. Does Dan remember? Oh god, what if Dan didn’t remember. His head throbs painfully and he squeezes his eyes against the pain.

Dan comes back and plops down on the couch with a sigh, and Bones is forced out of his head. “How’re you doin’?” Dan asks, and Bones ruffles his hair with a shrug.

“I’m definitely functioning.”

“I’d like to take you out sometime,” Dan blurts out and Bones has to press his lips together at how sudden and funny it is, “it doesn’t have to be today, but, I’d really like to take you to dinner.”

“Why not tonight?” Bones asks and Dan grins, and somewhere in his mind Bones is patting himself on the back.

“I think we both need to sleep for the rest of the day, I can’t drink like I used to,” Dan hums, scrubbing a hand over his beard.

“I feel like someone just slammed into me with a tractor,” Bones admits, and Dan’s laughter makes his heart swoop a little bit.

“How about tomorrow night? You deserve something good.”

Bones blushes and Dan only makes fun of him a little bit, and they navigate their way around passed out people and bottles on the floor to get to their cars outside. He doesn’t want to  _ ask  _ to kiss Dan again, because that seems strange for some reason, so when they get to Bones’ car he hesitates for a little silently. Dan’s obviously debating it too, he catches him glancing down to his lips a few times, before he laughs softly and tears his eyes away.

“I want to do this proper,” Dan chuckles, “and I’m not typically one to kiss before the first date.”

“Oh come on. Not one exception?” Bones asks, mostly teasingly, sticking his bottom lip into a pout for emphasis before laughing softly.

Dan shakes his head and kisses Bones’ forehead before leaving him there, letting Bones watch him walk towards his own car and try to will his stomach back down out of his throat. Hangover or feelings? A little bit of both, most likely.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is short and awful and im sorry it's been so long between updates. i think i'm going to end it with next chapter only because adding other stuff i want to add wont make sense chronologically with the way this has fleshed out. i do have other ideas (and i cant promise when ill do anything with them), but i definitely will make a thing of just drabbles for this au in the future. kudos and comments are very much appreciated, as i'm gonna use them to see if drabbles would be wanted, so, thank you!!

**** “He was telling me all about how smooth you were! What happened to  _ that  _ Dan!”

“Drunk confidence?  _ I wasn’t nervous?  _ Bruce, please, I’m begging you.”

Dan paces across his room, phone tucked between his shoulder and ear as he rummages through his closet for clothes to wear. He hasn’t been on a date in ages, let alone a date with a  _ guy,  _ and Bruce is absolutely  _ useless. _

“Why the fuck are you asking me? I can’t dress myself.”

“You know him! You dress nice when you have to! My closet looks like a lumberjack threw up,” Dan groans, chucking  _ another _ flannel back in, “and I’m freaking out! You’re the only one who has gone on a real date recently! What’s a normal, business casual outfit?”

“I hate you like this. Just wear a fucking button down with some nice jeans. You’ll be fine.”

“ _ Finally,  _ something helpful. Thank you, jackass.”

Bruce grumbles and hangs up, and Dan tosses his phone onto his bed while looking for a shirt that  _ isn’t  _ wrinkled or covered in sawdust. Because that’s his goddamn life.

When he finally settles on an outfit that isn’t  _ awful _ , and he gives himself enough of a pep talk to leave his apartment and drive to Bones’ to pick him up, he finds himself unable to pull himself out of the car and actually tell Bones that he’s there.  _ Maybe this was a mistake. _

He shakes his head, takes a deep breath, and gets out of his car, glancing up at the apartment complex before walking up and going through the list to find Bones’. The buzz rings out but Dan isn’t paying much attention, and he barely hears Bones’ “Coming!” because his heart is beating so hard.

The front door opens and Dan has to remind himself to breathe. And it’s not like it’s anything different than he’s  _ seen _ Bones wear, it’s basically the same as his teaching outfit except two more buttons are open, but for some reason it strikes Dan because this is for  _ him.  _ This gorgeous man is dressed up for  _ him _ .

“You look great,” he gets out after a little too long, and Bones laughs and looks down at himself.

“I didn’t know you owned not-flannel.”

Dan laughs and smooths down the button down he found in the depths of his closet, trying to play it off as no big deal.

“How dare you play into stereotypes.”

“Are you saying your wardrobe isn’t ninety percent flannel?” Bones challenges, raising an eyebrow at him, and Dan just laughs and shakes his head.

“You got me there.”

The date goes well but ridiculously fast; Dan blinks and they’re already walking toward a coffee shop that Bones swears by (“They have the  _ best  _ cookies and if you don’t like them, you’re awful.” They’re amazing). 

“I should probably get back,” Bones sighs as they stand up from the table outside the shop, running a hand through his hair, “it’s a school night, y’know.”

Dan chuckles and holds his hand out, waving his other arm in the direction of the car. “May I take you home?”

Bones rolls his eyes despite the smile on his face, taking Dan’s hand and slotting their fingers together before starting towards the car.

The ride back to Bones’ apartment is quiet but comfortable, music that neither of them are particularly interested in playing in the background--Dan is mostly concerned about how the date went. It went well, right? Bones wasn’t just...going along with it to humor him? Does he push for a second date yet?  _ Does he visit his room tomorrow? _

“I had a lot of fun tonight,” Bones says as they pull up to the front of his complex, looking over at Dan with a smile, “not as much fun as New Year’s, but fun.”

“I don’t think I could really top New Year’s.” Bones grins and turns to face Dan as best as he can, leaning in a little with a sly smirk.

“Dunno, I think it’s worth a shot, don’t you?”

Dan doesn’t hesitate to lean in and kiss Bones--the seatbelt is digging into his shoulder hard and the angle is less than optimal but he doesn’t  _ care _ . He’s blissfully sober and Bones is kissing him back, he won’t wake up tomorrow with a pounding headache and dread in his chest, so in his mind? It’s perfect.

“See you tomorrow?” Bones asks when he pulls back, and Dan grins as he opens his eyes.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world, Mister Bones.”


End file.
